The Farm Stand
Everything CAF Has to Offer!
Welcome to the Farm Stand! I wanted to share with this audience what this farm has to offer besides writing. So, to make it as a One Woman Farm here’s all the plates I spin to keep my dream and my home safe. I’ll explain them in more detail in a bit.
Cold Antler Farm has been my full-time gig since I left my corporate job in 2012. Since giving up that one job I have taken on a hundred more. I write (a lot). I also farm. I design. I draw. I paint. I talk. I advise. And since the bank just sent someone to take pictures of my house for possible foreclosure proceedings an hour ago, I am going to shamelessly promote myself because I heave learned you don’t get a single thing you don’t ask for.
Today I am giving you the rundown of everything I offer. In the audio version of this (click player above or visit the podcast episode link) I will cut up this promotion with a Q&A I solicited this morning. So if you hate reading this, or already know everything I have to offer—that pod should be more way more entertaining than just reading these sections—and maybe hearing me explain this in my own voice will make you feel differently.
If you want anything listed below, please do contact me. There isn’t some extensive web shop or portal, you've got to talk to me. You can email, send me a message on this app or IG.
Pork & Lamb Shares!
This farm’s main focus is meat. I raise pork and lamb under the CSA model. That means Community Supported Agriculture. People pay in advance for a “share” of a live animal that they co-own and I raise, butcher, and prepare as a service to you - the co-owners of the beasts you hire me to raise for your table.
Right now all of my shares are sold for 2024. If you want to reserve a share for next season, people already are asking. I never sell more than a 1/4 of those shares that far in advance because if I choose not to raise the animals, for any reason, you are refunded in full. If I break my leg, I don’t want to have to refund dozens of customers, so if you can wait till winter 2025 to get your lamb or bacon, send me an email!
Graphic Design & Logos
If you weren’t aware, I wasn’t always a feral mountain homesteader. I once had an office job, a couple of them actually. I worked for HGTV, Coldwater Creek, and Orvis to name a few; all as a professional web marketer and graphic designer. Skills I still use to create custom farm logos for clients today. You need a logo? I design dope logos.
Don’t have a farm? I also design logos for every other kind of business. Don’t have a business? I do designs for everything from wedding prints with people’s names to band posters to photographer watermarks to social media infographics to whatever the hell else you want that I can create with my degree, my 2015 used iMac, and the will to work until you are happy.
Already have a logo? Well I do labels. I do sports team logos. I take last names and your three favorite things in your family and create a type design adding all those elements together to frame in your house. The possibilities are endless, folks.
All of my design work is flat rate. There is no hourly charge. You pay one price up front and if you aren’t happy, I lose the money and the hours and refund you. Only had to do it a few times, but in general the more I do this the better I get and I would love to design for you. References and more info available, just email me.
Handmade Goatsmilk Soaps
I make a coconut and olive oil based soaps that uses a solution of lye, ice, and goats milk to create my signature bars. Soap is $6 a bar and scents available to make and ship are unscented plain milk bars, oatmeal, coffee, lavender, and mint. Shipping depends on order size but is usually $10 or $18 (soap is heavy). I only ship in the US.
Custom ordered soap is made to order and shipped young. It is safe to use out of the box but will last longer if allowed to cure in a cool dry place. I store them long term in the freezer.
They are not fancy. They do not arrive wrapped in ribbons and bows. They do arrive in boxes of recycled newspapers or flyers, wrapped in paper or bubble wrap and lather great and it’s all I use!
When I make custom orders, extra bars stack up. So I offer bulk boxes of random bars in sets of 10 or 20. These are $5 a bar and ship for free. And a 20 bar box can easily last you a year!
Illustration, Watercolor, & Pet Portraits
My BFA is in design, but my minor was in illustration. I have been drawing since I was able to hold a pencil. I used to pause my collection of worn-out VHS Disney movies to try and mimic that style. Till this day I draw with that American Animation look, or attempt to. My range is everything from gentle watercolor sketches of trout swimming towards a dry fly to elaborate fursonas, (though it has been years since anyone has requested character art like that. I am open to it!)
I also create canvas watercolor and ink illustrations like what you see above with the coyote and the lantern. They make lovely gifts! And they are all original pieces, not prints wrapped around pieces. You want your dog jumping off a doc at fall looking like a happy boy? I got you.
Homestead Consulting & Public Speaking
Yup, exactly that. I have been raising sheep, horses, pigs, poultry, bees, rabbits, gardens and hawks for nearly 20 years now. When I started I made almost every mistake a woman can make. Use my experience to your advantage. If you’re local and need a small goat pen built and set up with electric fencing, I can show you how. Thinking about starting a rabbity with a buck and two does? I’ll help you set them up for success and connect you with people who know even more. Want to become a bestselling author? You’ll have to go talk to Glennon Doyle, but please tell her about me. I think she and abby would like the cut of my jib.
Need someone to talk to your group online? If you’re local, in person? I give talks on my life and experience as well as a variety of other subjects, all dealing with sustainable living, homesteading, agriculture awareness, authentic living, LGBT topics, motivation and more. If it involves yapping, I’m your girl.
You pay for either an hour of Zoom or we can set up an on-farm visit if you prefer to meet in person and I feel comfortable with you. On farm visits are for June through November because if you come December-May you’ll think homesteading looks like the inside of a fraternities refrigerator. Let’s save us both the disappointment of seeing Northeast Farm when it’s not green.
Upgrade Your Subscription To Cold Antler Farm
That’s what this entire substack is for. To earn a living by eventually building a sustainable income, to catch up, to create the content you feel is worth paying for. If you want to be the biggest, fastest, help outside hiring me for a design or illustration gig— Sign up as a paid subscriber. You get a lot more content, more podcasts, giveaways, advice Q&As, and my endless grattitude.
Thank you for reading and considering. This post was sent today because things have been hard as hell and support is needed. If you want to help without spending a dime, you can by sharing my substack with your friends! Any public post can be shared on social media by anyone! Spread the word! Make an instagram story! Email your dad my fly fishing hootenanny. Tell your weird gay aunt about me! Write coldantlerfarm on a dollar bill and buy gum*! I don’t care let’s get cracking.
Also, if you don’t want to su, but want to throw a writing tip my Venmo is jennawog
Also, I know for a lot of you, even the $8 support of this publication and podcast isn’t an option. So Please Note: that if you want to read this substack, need to read it (I’m talking to you Late Bloomers and closeted gals), or just miss the old farm blog and want to be a part of it but can’t afford it, PLEASE TELL ME. Send me an email and I will comp your subscription. I am only asking people that both feel my work has value and can afford to support this farm, do so. Right now this substack has 213 paying subscribers and about 20-25 are comped.
I’d rather have you read for free than miss a friend.
*If this is illegal, don’t.