That was a beautiful essay. It hit me hard, smack dab in the middle of my own dread. I still carry mine; I think because I'm afraid of letting myself off the hook of it. But I so appreciate you putting your words out there. It makes me feel, not only less alone, but more able somehow, to do it myself.
"It’s a hell of a thing for a kid to carry around but I always did. I knew when I was a little girl I wasn’t like most people. I was different in a way no one explained, just tolerated. It felt like something was wrong with me and no one would tell me why."
Ugh. Same. I carried that exact feeling but never quite understood it as dread, until now. Thank you for a beautiful essay.
So many gorgeous lines in here: "A slur in my motion...," "roofs like smirks," "A woman can’t live like this, with barbwire around her chest at all times." Ugh. Beautiful writing about real and painful shit is my favorite thing. Thanks for this.
Normal is a dryer setting. I hang my clothes out on a clothesline. You are an example of courage and tenacity. Owning a homestead is a lifetime of angst and repairs.
Look for a dental school so future dentists can gain experience and your teeth are saved at a fraction of the cost.
Your dread is all that could ever go wrong.
I hope you take that step to kiss someone because it’s the right thing to do. There is always time for love.
We did lose the family dairy farm back in the 80's and rebuilt a life in the city. But my heart will always be with those struggling for a rural farm lifestyle. Much respect and my best to you.
This is one of the most raw, beautifully defiant things I’ve read in a long time. That line—“you don’t tend something you plan to abandon”—landed like gospel. Dread has a way of convincing us that care is a waste, that dreaming is delusion, that staying upright is just delaying the inevitable. But you reminded me that sometimes survival is resistance. And tending to potatoes, floorboards, or a trembling self can be sacred.
Thank you for turning dread into something sacred and sharable. You didn’t just write to save your life—you probably saved someone else’s today, too.
Wow. Beautiful essay. One of the best you've written thus far! Thank you for sharing it with us.
A very generous thing to say 🥰
That was a beautiful essay. It hit me hard, smack dab in the middle of my own dread. I still carry mine; I think because I'm afraid of letting myself off the hook of it. But I so appreciate you putting your words out there. It makes me feel, not only less alone, but more able somehow, to do it myself.
Thank you.
I 100% understand!!! I am working on it too. We can work on it together
"It’s a hell of a thing for a kid to carry around but I always did. I knew when I was a little girl I wasn’t like most people. I was different in a way no one explained, just tolerated. It felt like something was wrong with me and no one would tell me why."
Ugh. Same. I carried that exact feeling but never quite understood it as dread, until now. Thank you for a beautiful essay.
💕
So many gorgeous lines in here: "A slur in my motion...," "roofs like smirks," "A woman can’t live like this, with barbwire around her chest at all times." Ugh. Beautiful writing about real and painful shit is my favorite thing. Thanks for this.
Thank you! I’m trying to use language like people wear clothes, style is the word I guess?
One of the best things that you have ever written…you captured dread and eloquently gave us ideas to deal with it…extremely timely!
You have no idea how much that means coming from you 🖤
Yours is my favorite Substack account.
Shucks darlin
Normal is a dryer setting. I hang my clothes out on a clothesline. You are an example of courage and tenacity. Owning a homestead is a lifetime of angst and repairs.
Look for a dental school so future dentists can gain experience and your teeth are saved at a fraction of the cost.
Your dread is all that could ever go wrong.
I hope you take that step to kiss someone because it’s the right thing to do. There is always time for love.
Love this. Sending the link to a lesbian friend who will appreciate your perspective.
Raw truthiness
high praise, thank you!
We did lose the family dairy farm back in the 80's and rebuilt a life in the city. But my heart will always be with those struggling for a rural farm lifestyle. Much respect and my best to you.
Thank you 😊
YES. Thank you for your writing--this one especially.
🖤🖤🖤
Wise words.
We all have something like that. Just have to not let it cripple us.
Thank you.
I’m trying ✨
This is one of the most raw, beautifully defiant things I’ve read in a long time. That line—“you don’t tend something you plan to abandon”—landed like gospel. Dread has a way of convincing us that care is a waste, that dreaming is delusion, that staying upright is just delaying the inevitable. But you reminded me that sometimes survival is resistance. And tending to potatoes, floorboards, or a trembling self can be sacred.
Thank you for turning dread into something sacred and sharable. You didn’t just write to save your life—you probably saved someone else’s today, too.
I’m just seeing this comment, thank you so much that’s incredibly kind!
This is so, incredibly lovely. I'm going to save it and read it a million times.
"It's time to stop haunting myself," indeed.
Thank you. :)
I’m working on it 🖤
"As if I convinced myself not being in a constant state of impending horror means I’m not being responsible."
Oof, that hits hard. Thank you.
This was Devine and so beautiful, and i can relate to it deeply.
Thanks! I will check him out! Hi sir (s)!