As someone else with a family judgmental of the choices I have made (and mine are lot more "conventional" than yours), I really appreciate this blog post, Jenna. Of course I question my choices too (who doesn't?), but the only yardstick I should be measuring by is my own, no one else's.
I think you are so spot on in your realization that your life is forging you into a better person, and that the way the process is happening isn't bad or wrong because it doesn't line up with someone else's expectations. In fact, it's beautiful because it's yours.
Thanks for writing—this hit me exactly when I needed to read it.
Thank you. I recently came to this conclusion in my own life from a little bit different angle. Not only are those people, the ones who you don't want you to live your life by, but I found that I am questioning whether I trust them or not. Some of the people I don't trust, who are telling me to do things differently or that I'm not good or whatever, are people that I can instantly rid of in my life. Other ones are harder, like family. I found that there's this middle place where I can have family and yet not trust them. I found that it's okay to hide my opinions from them. It's as if I pat their hand and say I hear their disdain of me, while keeping a wall around my joy. I can somehow accept that my family is toxic, yet value family at the same time. When my mother needs me as an old woman, I do my best to be there for her, as she raised me when I was a child. I value the reciprocity, despite her toxic attitude. I think what is hard is that the people we've trusted the most are the ones that have been against us, rather than the people who accept us. When you are accepted as a child, the people caring for you will show you which people not to trust. I look around and I see that people in families that accept them show them how to be strong and resilient against those that would wish to change that. But when you come from a place where you are different enough from those around you so that they are telling you not to be yourself, you don't have the point of view that that is not serving you. The people you trust are not the ones who are good for you, but nobody else is telling you that. Hugs. I'm glad that you came to this place on understanding. Like all lessons, we must continue to understand them going forward and not just in this moment. But I think this moment was big enough for you that you will do so! Thank you. One of the reasons I read your blog is because you are so strong and resilient and being yourself everyday. I don't need to be exactly alike every other person in the world, but I want to surround myself with people being themselves and supporting other people being themselves. I admire your life and the hard work that you do to sustain it. Thank you.
I wish you luck and communication and growth with your situation. move forward with dignity and kindness and you're never wrong, and thank you for saying that.
I've been reading your blog for years, Jenna. I remember checking out Made from Scratch from the library. Over the years, I've admired your courage, grit, and resilience - traits some people consider "old school" and not on track to conformity. Instead, I say, TIMELESS. It's one thing to respect people, but it's not my job to my others happy; to mold and shape myself to make others comfortable. Thank you for this post. I prefer a day in front of the fire or in the woods over spending the time out and about doing things and spending money. Have a good one!
Jenna, I've been reading your work for years and I have to say, reading this makes me SO happy for you and so PROUD of you. Hell. Yes! You are now strong enough to claim that happiness and joy that others cannot see! It is YOURS! Good for you! Sometimes we country queers have to make our own very different way of living and being happy and other people aren't going to understand, and that's about them, not us. Kudos. Keep it up.
I love the movie signs. And your farm and house is so beautiful. I've been tending our fire to stay warm, and it takes up a lot of time. It's so peaceful. I love warming the house that way.
As someone else with a family judgmental of the choices I have made (and mine are lot more "conventional" than yours), I really appreciate this blog post, Jenna. Of course I question my choices too (who doesn't?), but the only yardstick I should be measuring by is my own, no one else's.
I think you are so spot on in your realization that your life is forging you into a better person, and that the way the process is happening isn't bad or wrong because it doesn't line up with someone else's expectations. In fact, it's beautiful because it's yours.
Thanks for writing—this hit me exactly when I needed to read it.
and this hit me exactly when I needed to read it! (thank you over and over)
What a beautiful essay! Friends like yours are precious gifts. Your perspective is so unique and wonderful.
thank you darlin!
So happy to hear about you enjoying your friendship and sharing the contentment of your life. Lovely sentiments!
🖤🖤🖤
Thank you. I recently came to this conclusion in my own life from a little bit different angle. Not only are those people, the ones who you don't want you to live your life by, but I found that I am questioning whether I trust them or not. Some of the people I don't trust, who are telling me to do things differently or that I'm not good or whatever, are people that I can instantly rid of in my life. Other ones are harder, like family. I found that there's this middle place where I can have family and yet not trust them. I found that it's okay to hide my opinions from them. It's as if I pat their hand and say I hear their disdain of me, while keeping a wall around my joy. I can somehow accept that my family is toxic, yet value family at the same time. When my mother needs me as an old woman, I do my best to be there for her, as she raised me when I was a child. I value the reciprocity, despite her toxic attitude. I think what is hard is that the people we've trusted the most are the ones that have been against us, rather than the people who accept us. When you are accepted as a child, the people caring for you will show you which people not to trust. I look around and I see that people in families that accept them show them how to be strong and resilient against those that would wish to change that. But when you come from a place where you are different enough from those around you so that they are telling you not to be yourself, you don't have the point of view that that is not serving you. The people you trust are not the ones who are good for you, but nobody else is telling you that. Hugs. I'm glad that you came to this place on understanding. Like all lessons, we must continue to understand them going forward and not just in this moment. But I think this moment was big enough for you that you will do so! Thank you. One of the reasons I read your blog is because you are so strong and resilient and being yourself everyday. I don't need to be exactly alike every other person in the world, but I want to surround myself with people being themselves and supporting other people being themselves. I admire your life and the hard work that you do to sustain it. Thank you.
I wish you luck and communication and growth with your situation. move forward with dignity and kindness and you're never wrong, and thank you for saying that.
Swing away, Jenna. Your winter life sounds wonderful to me.
Chris that made me smile so much!
I've been reading your blog for years, Jenna. I remember checking out Made from Scratch from the library. Over the years, I've admired your courage, grit, and resilience - traits some people consider "old school" and not on track to conformity. Instead, I say, TIMELESS. It's one thing to respect people, but it's not my job to my others happy; to mold and shape myself to make others comfortable. Thank you for this post. I prefer a day in front of the fire or in the woods over spending the time out and about doing things and spending money. Have a good one!
CORRECTION: * ... to make others happy. A little bleary-eyed. I can't sleep, so I'm up and writing.
Thank you Alicia!!
Jenna, I've been reading your work for years and I have to say, reading this makes me SO happy for you and so PROUD of you. Hell. Yes! You are now strong enough to claim that happiness and joy that others cannot see! It is YOURS! Good for you! Sometimes we country queers have to make our own very different way of living and being happy and other people aren't going to understand, and that's about them, not us. Kudos. Keep it up.
I recognize names and emails over the years and seeing people find me from a decade ago or reading all along means so much. Please tell your buds!
I love the movie signs. And your farm and house is so beautiful. I've been tending our fire to stay warm, and it takes up a lot of time. It's so peaceful. I love warming the house that way.
Time for a winter rewatch!!
This is gorgeous. Thank you. I'm so happy I found your newsletter. <3
Thank you Megan! I’m grateful for you!